Saturday, July 14, 2012

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The Vegetable Incident

7/14/2012 Taiwan Explorer
About male insecurity and vegetables

Bamboo cones | 東餐。

I would like to share an interesting story with you, that was posted on one of the popular Taiwanese forums called PTT bulletin board. It was shared by a Taiwanese guy, who refers to himself as "fatty" (胖子). He was in a food shop waiting for his take-out, when he saw a "hottie" (辣妹) talking with a "Western dish" (西餐), a derogatory term for a White foreigner in Taiwan. Part of the story are also "Guy A" (A男), "Guy B" (B男) and the "Shop Owner" (老闆). I won't say more, it's best if you just check the original text, if you can read Chinese or my wife's English translation at the bottom, if you can't.

1. The indecent proposal | Chinese original

胖子剛剛去政大前面買菜脯蛋,因為人很多所以要等,我只好邊喝綠茶邊等。
等的時候旁邊有兩桌,一桌坐著兩個男的(以下簡稱A男跟B男),另一桌有一個外國男生跟
一個穿的很辣的妹(以下簡稱辣妹跟西餐)剛坐下 ... 我絕對不會承認她的事業線很吸引
人(被打)
辣妹:You can stay my home tonight. Nobody at home^.<
(胖子:小姐,你真直接,你以為這裡沒人聽得懂嗎orz)
西餐:But ... How about your boyfriend?
(胖子:靠腰,現在演哪齣啊?)
辣妹:Just fo fun ok? Why so serious?
(胖子:...... 轉頭看那桌)
西餐:Really? (帶個一抹邪惡的微笑)
辣妹:Actually I want you to be my boy friend (扭)
(胖子:................)
過了10秒鐘的寧靜,隔壁桌的A男跟B男有動靜了
A男:寶貝!泥今天晚上可以留在偶家唷!(假音)
(胖子噴綠茶 ... )
B男:Really?哪你男碰友勒?(訪西餐音)
A男:別管他啦!因為你是洋屌呀^.<
因為你是洋屌呀^.<
因為你是洋屌呀^.<
(胖子忍不住噗疵了出來)
又寧靜了兩分鐘,西餐根本不知道發生甚麼事,辣妹臉臭得跟甚麼一樣,AB男好像沒事一
樣繼續吃飯,老闆端了一盤青菜來給AB男 ...
A男:我們沒有點青菜啊?
老闆:請拎ㄟ啦!(請你們的啦)!
幹,武就小!(X,有膽識!)
幹,武就小!(X,有膽識!)
幹,武就小!(X,有膽識!)

A男:多蝦喔!(多謝喔!)
後來我的蛋來了,走之前我還跟AB男比了個大姆指...XD
然後再轉頭對辣妹笑了一下說Goodbye!Have Niceday ...

Reactions from netizens:

※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc)
◆ From: 140.115.53.72
推 comestar:XD 07/12 20:32
推 jkidd128:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 07/12 20:35
推 goodtour:笑了XDDDDDDDDDD 07/12 20:36
推 rererere147:老闆真靠邀XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 那辣妹的圖呢 07/12 20:36
推 DONTWANNA:XDDDD 07/12 20:39
推 hipocritos:這種機掰的手段真令人激賞!! 07/12 20:39
推 mosquito1990:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 07/12 20:39
推 Zn1: 07/12 20:39
→ ke60601:要是我在現場 我一定請那兩個人喝個啤酒!XD 07/12 20:40
推 mp390329:我可以轉嗎?!太好笑了!!!!!!!!!!! 07/12 20:40
→ ke60601:ok!我學長說可以轉! 07/12 20:40
推 Hateson:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 07/12 20:41
推 Lyy:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 07/12 20:41
推 BikeBm:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 07/12 20:41
推 BackToYou:不錯 07/12 20:41
推 kaitokid:讚! 07/12 20:41
→ noonee:結論是大家英語都很好?XD 07/12 20:42
推 ellie40:XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD 07/12 20:43
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Find the whole original text in Chinese here>>

2. The indecent proposal | English translation

Fatty went to buy some food at a shop near the university, but because there were a lot of people, I had to wait. I was drinking green tea and waiting. While I was waiting, I saw two tables: Two guys were sitting at the first one, I will call them "Guy A" and "Guy B" and at the other one a foreigner with a hot girl were sitting. I will call her "hottie" and him "Western dish". I have to admit, that her cleavage was quite nice (很吸引).
[The conversation was in English]:

Hottie: You can stay my home tonight. Nobody at home ^.<
(Fatty thinks: Miss, you are so direct, do you really think there is nobody, that can understand what you are saying orz)
Western dish: But ... How about your boyfriend?
(Fatty thinks: What the fuck is going on?)
Hottie: Just fo fun ok? Why so serious?
(Fatty:...... Turns to that table)
Western dish: Really? (Evil smile)
Hottie: Actually I want you to be my boy friend (seductively)
(Fatty:................)

After 10 seconds of silence, the next table, where Guy A and Guy B were sitting, something happened [they had exactly the same conversation in Chinese]:

Guy A: Baby! Would you today stay at my house in the evening yo? (unnatural voice)
(Fatty splashes out out the green tea ...)
Guy B: Really? How about your boyfriend?
(impersonates the western dish's way of speaking)
Guy A: Nevermind! Because you have the Western cock ^.<
Because you have the Western cock ^.< [echo]
Because you have the Western cock ^.< [echo]
(Fatty splash the tea again)

The silence returned for two minutes and the Western dish had no clue what was happening, but the hottie's face became very sour. Guy A and B pretended as if nothing happened and kept eating their food. Suddenly the shop owner brought a plate of vegetables to Guy A and B.

Guy A: We didn't order vegetables.
Owner (in Taiwanese): This is on me!
Because you have fucking guts!
Because you have fucking guts! [echo]
Because you have fucking guts! [echo]

Guy A replied (in Taiwanese): Thank you!

And then I got my food and give Guy A and B a thumbs up and turn to the hot girl saying: Goodbye!Have Niceday ...

3. My reaction

When I first heard about this story, I thought: Wow, what a mix of immaturity, male insecurity, racism and sexism. This notion includes the netizens' reactions to the story (if this XDDDDDDDDD can be called a reaction). I'm all against cheating, but I'm also a firm believer of not getting involved in things, that are none of my business. I am against applying my moral convictions to other people and I try not to judge someone by just few lines they utter, because I don't know all the facts and the circumstances. It's interesting, that I've seen so many things here in Taiwan, where someone was saying and doing far worse things that what we heard in this fairly innocent dialog, but people just look away and pretend it's not happening. However, when there is a foreigner with a local girl, some Taiwanese guys love to play the role of a moral apostle.

Imagine a reverse situation: A Taiwanese guy is sitting with a hot white girl and she invites him to her apartment - would they think of her as a slut as well? My wife says, they would probably admire the guy, show him thumbs up and the shop owner would treat him the vegetable. It's sad, that Taiwanese women are so directly and openly judged by Taiwanese men, whenever they are open about their sexuality, but when it comes to men, it's the other way around, it's admired. And of course it has to be us, the White guys, who are spoiling these poor innocent girls with our you know what (洋屌).

I would like to give one tip to those guys, who often use the 洋屌 argument: Comparing the size of genitalia with someone else is not classy nor funny. It's quite pathetic, if you ask me, because it doesn't offend White guys or Taiwanese girls who date White guys, it makes you look very insecure and sad.

What's your take on this story?

▷ My articles on the issue of interracial relationships in Taiwan:

Taiwanese girls: Stereotypes and reality
Interracial relationships in Taiwan
Meet foreign big hot dogs

[UNIQUELY TAIWAN][Photo by MKL, 2012]